Authentic Indifference: A Proven Tool for TMS and Neuroplastic Pain Recovery
Treating tension myositis syndrome (TMS) with authentic indifference can be challenging, but with practice, it's absolutely achievable. Authentic indifference — not caring so much about your pain — is one of the most important skills for rewiring your neuropathways and recovering from chronic pain. We need to become authentically indifferent when it comes to our pain.
Normally, when we're in pain, we want to fix it. We want it to go away — that's just how our brains are wired. But with neuroplastic pain, that instinct works against us.
Authentic indifference feels like this: present, unhurried, and at peace with whatever comes.
Pain Is Just a Symptom
With TMS, pain isn't the problem — it's just a symptom. Living intensely is the problem. Fear is the problem. Our primitive, fear-based brain is trying to pull our focus toward pain and danger all the time, because it thinks that's how it keeps us safe. We have to teach it something different: that it's safe to live in peace and calm, that we don't need to be constantly on the lookout, that it's safe to relax.
The Pain Is Benign
Here's the good news about TMS — also known as neuroplastic pain, mind-body syndrome, or simply chronic pain: it's benign. There's nothing to worry about. It's a symptom of an overactive survival brain. Sometimes there was a real injury or illness to begin with, but the brain keeps the pain signal going long after the body has healed. The brain can learn pain — and just as importantly, it can unlearn it. We can teach the brain to stop signaling or amplifying pain.
There Are No Monsters Under the Bed
TMS is like a four-year-old pulling at her mom's skirt, insisting there are monsters under the bed. The child truly believes it. Our fear brain believes the same thing about our pain. We have to gently teach our primitive brain that there are no monsters under the bed — that all is clear. And that takes practice and repetition. That's really it.
There Is No Ambulance
No ambulance is sneaking up behind you. With TMS, there's no injury — the brain is just making a mistake. When an ambulance sneaks up behind you while driving, you instantly go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode to let it pass. With TMS, there's no ambulance, but the fear brain reacts as if there is one.
It's remarkable how well our primitive brain takes care of us. It's simply doing what we've trained it to do.
In my own case, I refused to live more slowly, in peace and calm, because the need for achievement and perfectionism was running my life. I thought I was nothing without good opinions from others. I didn't know I could be balanced and successful at the same time.
TMS Is a False Alarm
TMS is a false alarm. Our brain thinks there are monsters under the bed or an ambulance sneaking up behind us — but there aren't. The pain is just a false alarm.
Can you slowly and gently teach your fear brain that the alarm isn't necessary? Learning and practicing authentic indifference is one powerful way to do that.
How to Practice Authentic Indifference
When practicing authentic indifference toward pain, three related states come to mind:
Become interested in the pain.
Become curious about the pain.
Let go of fear around the pain.
Becoming Interested
I know it's not easy, but it's not the pain we need to work on. We need to relax and shift from hypervigilance and intensity to peace and calm. There's nothing to fix as far as the pain goes — trying to fix it is just wasted effort. We simply notice it. We notice it, get curious about it, and that's it. It doesn't matter whether it's there or not, because it's safe.
Don't fight the pain, and don't try to fix it. Just become interested in it. It's remarkable how our brains can signal pain even when there's no actual injury.
Curiosity and Authentic Indifference
Practicing authentic indifference with neuroplastic pain means becoming curious. Curiosity matters because it takes us out of fear.
Here's an article on how to harness curiosity. Can you practice being curious about the pain, or about why the brain is mis-signaling, instead of fearing it? I suggest starting with just 5 minutes a day of sitting with curiosity.
This is hard for people who tend to be preoccupied or worried, but it really works — you can train yourself to live this way rather than in fear and angst.
Letting Go
Authentic indifference toward chronic pain also means letting go. It means genuinely not caring whether the pain is there or not. As I mentioned, we know the pain is safe. It's uncomfortable, but not dangerous. We don't need to stay on high alert over something that's simply uncomfortable.
Fear Is the Fuel for Chronic Pain
Being impressed by the pain, focused on it, preoccupied with it — that's what fuels it. The more we focus on it, the more danger messages we send to our survival brain, and the more we fuel the pain.
Practicing, becoming interested and curious, and letting go because the pain is safe — these are all key parts of treating TMS, because they create a state of authentic indifference. That sends safety messages to the brain, which turns the pain down.
There are no ambulances. We can drive and listen to Lionel Richie. We can be easy, like a Sunday morning — something about that song always helps me relax. The rational brain starts to take back over. We begin living from a place of resilience instead of fear. The pain goes away on its own.
There's no need to work on the pain. When the pain stops mattering, the pain goes away. Pain is not the problem.
For more on treating chronic pain, read 10 Steps to Retraining Your Brain Out of Pain and Self-Care for Chronic Pain: Why it’s the Real Cure for TMS
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