Self-care for chronic pain: Why it’s the real cure for tMS
Self-care is having a moment right now — and for good reason. But if you're living with TMS (Tension Myositis Syndrome), neuroplastic pain, or mind-body pain, self-care isn't just a wellness trend. In my experience as a pain recovery coach, it's the cure.
In the 1970s and 80s, self-care wasn't part of my vocabulary. Like many of us back then, I was taught to take care of everyone else first. Taking care of others is good — but not when it comes at the cost of our own well-being.
Self-care starts with how we treat ourselves.
What is TMS (Tension Myositis Syndrome?
TMS stands for Tension Myositis Syndrome — chronic pain that shows up with no physical injury behind it. It's also called neuroplastic pain or mind-body pain. There's a miscommunication in the brain, and sometimes it generates real pain signals even when nothing is actually damaged. It may sound bold to call self-care the cure for TMS, but in my opinion, it is.
Self-Care vs. Selfishness
Self-care does not mean self-indulgence or selfishness. It means caring for yourself first, so you are healthy enough to help others, do your job, and meet your needs. When we feel good in our lives, we are much better equipped to be helpful in the world.
Self-Care and Our Critical Voice
As children, many of us never learned to attend to ourselves — to feel and express our feelings in a healthy way, to talk kindly to ourselves, to be our own best friend. That's really what self-care comes down to.
How can we be happy in our lives when we're critical of ourselves and pressuring ourselves all day long? Emotionally healthy people don't operate this way. They attend to themselves first, which gives them the energy to tend to others. They aren't running on empty.
Many of us with TMS have been running on empty for years because we haven't practiced self-care. So, in my opinion, learning self-care is the cure. I'm not saying it's easy — it takes time to build new patterns — but eventually, we feel healthier and more fulfilled in our lives.
Self-care vs. Fear and Hypervigilance
I live in Colorado, and through my own long road with chronic pain, I've often compared the journey to the wildfires that have burned through the West in recent years. Wildfires aren't entirely bad when they don't destroy homes, cities, or lives.
The soil gets richer, making it easier for new plants to grow and clearing out the dead ones. Insect infestations can decrease. But overall, wildfires are destructive, and we'd still prefer not to have them.
TMS is about fear. When we get into the habit of living from fear rather than ease, we become hypervigilant. And when we're hypervigilant, our brains sometimes send danger signals that result in pain. Pain is a danger signal from living a life of hypervigilance, people-pleasing, perfectionism, worrying, and anxiety — instead of a balanced life of self-care.
Nobody would choose to live with TMS, but walking through it can enhance our lives. It inspires us to learn about ourselves, dig deep into our fears, and understand why we've lived with so much intensity. We learn compassion for ourselves and how to live a little more easily and gently.
We learn that we're human — there's no need for shame. We start to cut ourselves some slack and put less pressure on ourselves. We learn not only how to live without chronic pain, but how to heal our relationships and our lives. These are all forms of self-care.
5 Ways to practice Self-Care for chronic pain relief
So, where do we start? Our old patterns die hard, and this process takes time, practice, and repetition — but it's very possible. I've done it, and I believe you can too. Below are five simple (not easy) steps that helped me break free from old patterns of running on autopilot and using habits that no longer served me.
Changing old patterns takes effort and conscious choice. These five steps will help you make more conscious choices, leading to a more fulfilling, pain-free life:
Pause
Take a Deep Breath
Ask “How Can I Help Myself?”
Choose A Better Way
Pause
To change a pattern, you must pause or stop. Pausing helps you to get out of your head, which is the first step. It helps you become aware instead of being on autopilot and brings you back to the moment. If you need to remind yourself to pause out loud, do so.
Taking a Deep Breath
Taking a deep breath helps your nervous system slow down. It helps you feel calmer, so you can attend to yourself and notice your thoughts, feelings, and sensations. Focusing on your breath is the number one way people meditate.
Breathing helps us get out of our heads — or shift focus from our thoughts to our breath — so we can notice how we're feeling and attend to ourselves.
Notice
Noticing or becoming curious about your thoughts and feelings helps you move beyond fear. Noticing is the antidote to fear. You become “The Watcher.” Noticing is like zooming out to see the bigger picture more clearly.
ask “How Can I Help Myself?”
Once you're attending to yourself by pausing, breathing, and noticing, ask, “How can I help myself?” Now you're in a place where you have choices, rather than reacting the same way that's led to pain in the past. You can respond instead of react.
Choose A Better Way
Now you can choose a better way instead of the old way. That might mean journaling, talking lovingly to yourself, feeling compassion for yourself, sitting still and being present, or setting a boundary with a loved one.
Whatever you choose, choose what YOU need to feel good in the world — and over time, your life will begin to transform.
self-care is the real goal
We'd prefer not to have wildfires, even though they bring new life to our forests — just as we'd prefer to live without chronic pain. But just as a wildfire can enrich a forest, TMS can enrich our lives.
Being pain-free isn't the goal. Self-care is the goal: living lighter, living more peacefully, and living compassionately and courageously.
For more information about how to recover from chronic pain, please read, 10 Steps To Retrain Your Brain Out Of Pain.
For Pain Recovery Coaching, please complete our contact form or schedule a free consultation.
FAQ
What is TMS, and how is it related to self-care?
TMS (Tension Myositis Syndrome) is chronic pain that shows up without a physical injury — it's also called neuroplastic pain or mind-body pain. It often develops when we live in a state of fear, hypervigilance, and self-neglect. Self-care addresses the root cause by teaching your nervous system it's safe to relax.
Is self-care really enough to heal chronic pain?
On its own, self-care is a mindset shift, not a quick fix. But learning to attend to your own needs, calm your nervous system, and quiet your inner critic is often the missing piece that allows other TMS recovery work — like pain reprocessing therapy — to actually take hold.
How long does it take to see results from practicing self-care?
It varies person to person. Old patterns don't unwind overnight, but most people notice small shifts — feeling calmer, less reactive — within a few weeks of consistent practice.
What if I don't know how to start practicing self-care?
Start small. The five steps in this post (pause, breathe, notice, ask how you can help yourself, choose a better way) are designed as an entry point you can use in any moment, without needing a big life overhaul first.
Can self-care help with hypervigilance and anxiety, not just physical pain?
Yes. Hypervigilance, anxiety, and chronic pain often share the same root — a nervous system stuck in fear mode. Self-care practices that build a sense of safety tend to ease all three together.