How to Heal Your Nervous System One Thought At A Time
If you or someone you love is living with chronic pain or anxiety that doctors can't fully explain, there's real hope: you can retrain your nervous system, one thought at a time. This is the foundation for recovering from Tension Myositis Syndrome (TMS) — also called neuroplastic pain or mind-body pain — a condition in which the brain generates real physical pain without ongoing injury or disease.
How Hypervigilance Becomes Our Default State
Fear-based thoughts form in childhood and become our default mode of operating. It's not our fault — it's a survival mechanism. Fear keeps us safe when we grow up in unsafe homes. My home was loving, but my mother had severe anxiety, and this led to my hypervigilance. Fear kept me from saying and doing the “wrong things.”
If you had reactive parents, your fear response is likely more sensitive. As in my case, we can also learn fearful thinking directly from fearful parents.
My mom often thought she was full of cancer. It was irrational thinking, but as a child, I believed her. This frightened me. I would lie awake at night worrying I was going to lose my mom. My mother never did get cancer — she died of heart issues at age 62.
Fear-based thinking shows up in many forms. Below are four patterns that might ring true for you.
4 Fear-Based Thoughts That Keep the Nervous System Up-Regulated
What-if thoughts
Should or shouldn't have thoughts
Scarcity or never-enough thinking
I'm not enough thoughts
The one thing all these thoughts have in common is fear. They keep our brain in a fight/flight state, which increases the sensation of pain and keeps our nervous system up-regulated.
What-if thoughts
What-if thoughts are common in those with TMS. They're anxious thoughts about the future. Some common ones:
What if something terrible happens?
What if I never get out of pain?
What if being active makes my pain worse?
What if I never succeed?
What if I'm not approved of?
Scarcity or Never-Enough Thoughts
A scarcity mindset is common, not only among folks with chronic pain. Time pressure is a common source of scarcity that keeps us in a fight-or-flight state. Like many of us, I never feel like I have enough time, which makes me feel pressured all day. I tend to rush through things just to feel like I have more of it.
Other scarcity thoughts include:
Not enough money
Not enough friends
Not a good enough job
Not enough kids
Not a big enough house
I'm Not Enough Thoughts
I'm not enough may be the most damaging fear thought of all, and it's often the root of all the others. It's extremely common in people living with chronic pain and anxiety. It's an unconscious belief that runs our lives. If we don't change this belief, it's hard to get out of pain, because it keeps our brains on high alert.
When we don't believe we're enough, we can't live authentically, and recovery becomes much harder.
Not to worry (no pun intended) — we can learn to catch all of these thoughts and heal our nervous system one thought at a time. Here's how.
How to Heal Your Nervous System One Thought at a Time
Sleep worry has haunted me since my symptoms began three decades ago. Sound familiar? This is a very common fear, and pressure thoughts like it are tricky. Once we have one crappy thought, they tend to cascade: "What if I don't sleep well tonight? If I don't sleep well, I won't be able to work. If I can't work, I'll lose my job. If I lose my job, I'll lose my house…"
You get the idea. Below are five steps to heal your nervous system, one thought at a time.
1. Catch the Fear Thought
This takes commitment. If this is all you do, practice catching your crappy, negative thoughts. Ask yourself, "Do I want to keep living like this, or do I want to regulate my nervous system?"
2. Be Intentional
Make it happen. Fear-based thinking is a way of life, so it takes real intention and awareness to catch the sneaky thoughts that creep in without us noticing. Tell yourself, "I will do this differently now because I want to enjoy my life." You are worth it.
3. Challenge the Fear Thought
A fear thought is just an opinion. Instead of "What if I don't sleep well tonight?" ask, "What if I do sleep well tonight?" Have you ever died from a bad night's sleep? In a room full of people, how many would say they didn't sleep well last night? Probably a lot of them.
It's not dangerous to not always get a good night's sleep — it's common, and nothing to worry about. Trust this. Once you stop worrying about sleep, you'll start sleeping better. Change your opinion about sleep.
4. Understand That You Are Safe 99% of the Time
We only need the fight-or-flight response in a true 911 emergency. We don't need our nervous systems up-regulated all the time.
5. Feel What Safety Feels Like in Your Body
Learn the difference between the feeling of a fear thought and a safe thought. Feeling safe and secure in your body tells your brain everything is okay. Do you want to keep worrying about the future, or about what others think of you, at the cost of your health? Do you want to keep ruminating, regretting the past, and sending your brain danger messages?
The brain fights to stay in a high-alert state because that's what's familiar. But if you intentionally catch these thoughts, challenge them, understand that you're safe, and feel safety in your body, you will prevail over your survival brain.
With practice and repetition, fear thoughts come less often. You can heal your nervous system, one thought at a time.
I sure do wish my mom would’ve lived long enough for me to tell her that she was most likely safe 99% of the time, and in a little danger maybe 1% of the time.
Read Stacey's Recovery Story to learn more about her journey with chronic pain.
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